Yesterday was my Nanny's birthday. It was a bittersweet day for me in that she's still alive and I'm able to spend time with her, but bitter because she's losing a little more of herself to dementia everyday. This is a woman with whom I spent lots and lots of time. My mom worked weekends and because weekends at the farm when mom was working meant that my dad would make me help in the field or the garden (gasp!) I always made sure that I was going to my Nanny's house on those weekends! Most of my summers were also spent with her. She vacationed with us, spent every holiday with us (including my favorite Christmas Eve sleepovers) and came to every sporting event that included my brother and I as participants. To say that I'm having a hard time with this disease is an understatement!!
I hate standing back and watching my Nanny unravel before my eyes. She worries constantly, to the point where even her most beloved family members are little comfort. Yesterday, I asked her about going to the World's Fair in NY in 1939. She talked about going with my great-grandfather and having so much fun! Mostly, she said, because she jumped out of somewhere with a parachute?!! Imagine that! For a moment, I had her back, lost in memories. I sat at her feet and she stroked my hair, chastising me for leaving the house with it wet (I'll catch my death) and for just a few moments all was right. I closed my eyes because we weren't in a nursing home, I didn't have children that I had to get back to and she wasn't worrying. It ended as abruptly as it began with her telling me that she didn't know what to do at lunchtime and what was she going to do when I left?. And that moment was enough to get me through.
How wonderful it will be when our Heavenly Father's kingdom comes and all of our worries just melt away?
“Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?’” (Luke 12:22-26, NIV).
As a control freak who is trying to let go, that verse is so freeing and yet scary at the same time! Thank you, Father, for meeting us where we are and allow us to let go and let you take care of us as you've promised!!
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