You've got a friend in me...

During this two year journey to our sweet Ugandan boy there have been many trials for Wayne and me.  I feel like I often express frustration with the situations that have come about in those two years more than I focus on the wonderful things that we have gained.  I saw an adoption t-shirt on the internet that said "Adoption gives you different stretch marks" and I thought it was totally stupid and would never wear it. But, when I think about these last two years we have been stretched time and time again. God has used this time to draw us closer to Him and closer to one another.  I've worked at giving up control of situations and laying them down at Jesus' feet because I cannot and will not ever be able to plan my life better than He does.  His will and ways are not always my will and the Bible tells us that they are definitely higher than my ways!!  :) As a control likin' person that it a hard, bitter pill to swallow.  And, in my stubbornness I find that lesson being repeated time and time again.  So, I'm 7,800 miles away from home, my family and my main support system and I finally laid it all down.  And, it felt so good to know that He's got this. And He does.

A little bit shy of two years ago I "met" Tracy through our adoption group facebook page.  We were both totally new to the adoption process and were in learning as we go mode.  We learned that our boys were around the same age (as are our bio kids!!), were living at the same orphanage and that we had a lot of things in common.  We started emailing & chatting on the phone and we bonded-big time. We met Tracy and her sweet family for dinner one night on our way to Disney (that meeting at Five Guys is now standard practice when we sneak away to Disney for a few days!) and I remember one moment looking around the table at all of us paired off having conversations and felt so much like we had all met lifelong friends.  It was an amazing feeling and I totally felt like it was all God...little did we know in the coming months just how much we would lean on each other as our processes hit major road bumps at every turn.  We traveled at the same time as them in July and felt like we were here with old friends as opposed to a couple we hadn't known for years and years.  God is so faithful to provide all of our needs...even putting people in place exactly when we need them...

But, this isn't really a story about Jenn & Tracy...this is about our boys.

On the last trip we learned that our sons shared the same little bed and pal around together at the orphanage.  I loved that as we were developing a relationship that our boys were doing the exact same thing.  The day we left the orphanage was such an amazing moment for us because I knew that our EC would never sleep in an orphanage again. But, many nights after that I thought about his buddy J and prayed that he was able to sleep without his (very wiggly) bunk buddy.  EC has talked about J numerous times a day for 3 loooong weeks.  In fact, last week on an especially frazzling day Wayne said to me, "Honey, hang in there, J will be there in 3 days!!"  Yesterday we had the honor of tagging along while Tracy went to sign J out of the orphanage forever! It was so awesome. I know how I felt when we went and being there as my friend did the same thing was so special...because we've walked through a lot of ugly together! I have pictures of Tracy holding J while EC is beside her holding on to J's leg. Totally PRESH! And, the fun continued all day as they realized that we were all bunking up in our 1 bedroom apartment! If we weren't close before this we certainly will be! :) Last night we decided that the boys could sleep in the bed & we would take the couches.  We each checked on them several times last evening and found that they had each made their way to the middle of the bed.  We found them exactly like that this morning as well. It was the sweetest thing that I have seen.  I love watching them together and seeing them open up around one another.  It was symbolic of my friendship with Tracy as well starting out the journey separately but ending up in the middle of all of this adoption nonsense holding on for dear life! :)

So, today, I'm just feeling really grateful.  So much good has come out of this journey and I don't want to forget that.  God gave me someone that I could laugh with, cry to, vent to and know that she has felt or experienced the exact same way.  He put is in country together (TWICE) because I think He knew that I would need that.  He gave our families lifelong friends...but he didn't just do it for me or Tracy or Jason or Wayne. 

 He did it for them, too.  

These two will always have one another.  They will always have a link to their childhood.  They will have a buddy to tromp around Uganda with when we return every five years (woohoo) and because of the foundation of friendship that we built during our two years of waiting we've ensured that our sons will also be able to maintain their bond and a tie to the country that both of our families love.  

I'm praising the One that put all of this into place.  Thankful for these moments that Tracy & I get to spend together and looking forward to making a lot more wonderful family memories with two more wonderful boys added to the mix. :)  

Hitting the ground running...

Last night our drive into Kampala was a quiet one. It was late, we were exhausted from 24 hours of travel...but mostly we were unsure of what we were walking into today.  We didn't celebrate our departure because this isn't a "yay, everything's done let's go get him" kind of trip.  It's a "let's get it done this is ridiculous" kind of trip. :)

This morning we had a meeting with several key people with the agency here and felt very good about our coming week.  They know where we're coming from and seem determined to get us home ASAP.  Wayne will be leaving next Saturday to take Peyton to Outdoor School so I will be staying here until Charlie is set to return.

We picked him up from the orphanage today and he stopped playing in the yard when he saw us and started screaming "My muzungus (white people) are here!" It was comical.  We were told on our way out to the orphanage that whenever he is scolded or corrected he tells the mommas that he is going to report them to his parents. What a handful! :)

Please pray for our lawyer as we try to get him to quickly finish his part in this process.

I've gotta run, there is a four year old picking up the phone, scooping up loose change and hanging all over  his daddy. Sigh...


Today was a good day!

Here we go again

I was catching up on my friend's blog this morning when I really should be triple checking my packing list and suitcases...and I noticed that I hadn't written a blog for 6 months!! Honestly, I started this thinking it would maybe be an outlet during our adoption process and the fact is I'm absolutely sick of talking about & thinking about this adoption.  Two years ago I never thought we'd still be in this place. Sigh.

And, today we're headed back.  This is a trip full of unknowns and I'm nervous about what we're going to find when we get there.  The details are long and complicated and boring even for those who are familiar with international adoption.  But, people haven't been doing their job.  To make matters even worse, we have a very important piece of paper that expires on 9.17.2012.  So in the midst of very last minute travel (I had less than a week to pack & prepare myself for a possible month long trip away from my babies) we have also been hurriedly gathering documents needed for the extension of our VIP (very important paper).

I'm so excited to get to hold Charlie again. I can't wait for that.  :)  But at the same time I'm already missing my kids.  I spent a good part of this morning just watching them both sleep, taking in a sight that I'm going to miss so much.  They spent the last two nights snuggled up with me while Wayne was ousted to the couch. :)

Ways you can pray for us: pray for the judge & clerk in our case, our lawyer to begin working diligently & the PI as he prepares what he needs for the judge, pray for the kids & my mom as they are here holding down the fort,  for Wayne as he leaves to come home next Saturday & for our time in country.

We have amazing friends who have supported us in so many ways throughout this process.  Without you our lives would be less.

Maybe next week

I have had this post rolling around in my head for quite sometime. But then life gets in the way and it's a month later and I haven't blogged about anything.

I am in constant awe of my children. This adoption process has opened a lot of new (and sometimes very interesting) discussion regarding family, trusting in God, etc. Sometimes these conversations have made us laugh but sometimes we cry. When Emilia asked me why our little man needed me to be his mom when he had his own mom I had to gently explain to her that sometimes moms love their children so much that they know that the best thing is to put them where someone will be able to care for them when they cannot. The details of the story are not for her or here, but I wanted her to know that his mother had made the ultimate show of sacrificial love. When I heard his entire story for the first time I sat alone in the dining room and cried for her. I thanked God for her and I grieved for situations and circumstances that led her to leave her children.

The last few months have been very emotionally draining for us (me especially) as we hadn't ever dreamed that we would still be here...waiting. I thought by now we'd be settling into a routine, introducing him to Double Stuf Oreos and starting our lives as a family of five. Not waiting for any little scrap of news from our agency or adoption blogs & boards that sounds like maybe we'll get a court date soon. But, to God, this is history. He's already written out this story for us and I have to trust that. Period. Until I don't.

Emilia is in second grade. She is my sweetheart. She loves acting like a big grown up girl but really she's a sweet little crazy cuddlebug. She's still not too cool to hold hands with me or ask in the middle of a big girl shopping trip for a "holdy" while digging around in my bag for Busy, her trusted blanket. Peyton seemed like a 75 year old man when he was her age and I think that's why I don't give her credit sometimes for being so in tune with big things going on in our lives. Wrong, I know, but I'm just being honest.

Anyway, I'm at a birthday party a few weeks ago and hear from a friend of mine that her children have been praying for our family and that Emilia has reported that we might be going to bring him home "maybe next week". I laughed it off saying that if we were traveling next week I'd be non-stop smiling in a really scary kind of way. Later, on the phone with my bestie it kind of hit me. She prays for that. And when I say that I mean those exact words..."And Lord, I love you and ask you to please bring my brother home maybe next week." I have been in a struggle to just let go and trust for months. And, here my sweet Emilia is TRUSTING that what she prays is going to happen because "that's what God says, momma."

If you're reading this, please pray for my faith to be extended. Please pray that we get a court date soon so that I can finally hold my boy. I would really appreciate it :)

"Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." ~Mark 11:24

Roses are red, violets are blue, my baby makes creepy valentines.

Two posts in one day. A record for me! Today I was scouring Pinterest in order to plan for Emilia's first school friends playdate type of thing in which we will be doing Valentine's Day crafts and other girly goodness that I may dream up between now and then. Apparently while I was doing that sweet Emilia was making her own Valentine. For her brother.

I saw this sitting on the dining room table the entire evening:

It made me so happy to see that despite their what seems to me constant bickering there are still random acts of love between them. So, this sat on the table all evening and she hadn't handed it to him since he'd gotten home. My curiosity got the better of me and I had to look inside and see what she wrote to him. And this is what I found:

Peyton noticed that his name was on the front and came over to look at what had caused me to be laughing hysterically. Despite the theme of this valentine I love this girl's attention to detail. The dark, ominous sky; the way the blood is ripping through the neat circle which was once my baby boy; the choppy ocean water; all of the fins circling the same way (except for that one that's going the wrong way). My favorite touch is the one shark fin is saying "I'm eating you." You know, in case one was unable to figure out what was going on here. This is a girl after my own heart...with the details, that is.

So, this is parenting. Some days they're hugging it out and other days they're throwing you to the sharks!

So long, dim sum

In an area flooded with pizza joints and sub par Chinese buffet restaurants our family was thrilled to find a little gem of a Chinese/ Thai place a few years ago. We've been going there almost as long as Peyton has been in school. We have our mother-son dates there. We celebrate birthdays, report cards and family movie nights there. Emilia started calling it Turtle Chinese in homage to the two pet turtles they have in a tank at the restaurant.

It just so happens that it is also owned by the family of Peyton's classmate and friend, Nancy. We quickly became regulars and anytime they saw Peyton they ushered out delicious treats & extras. No wonder it was his favorite! :) The past few times we've stopped there for dinner the place has been dark and empty with only a small sign in the window notifying customers that it will be closed for renovation.

Peyton must've gotten anxious about the finishing of the renovation project because he asked Nancy at school when it would open back up. She explained to him that they had started to renovate but something occurred and it looked like they would be moving away instead. The restaurant would not reopen.

As soon as he had recanted their conversation he confided to us, "I cried after she told me that." Here he was, our sweet little boy saddened by his friend moving away. Or so I thought...I hugged him and told him that I was sorry that he was so sad that Nancy was moving away. He looked at me with all seriousness and said, "No Mom, I cried because that's my favorite restaurant."

Sigh....so long, dim sum.

Popcorn & Soles

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." ~Exodus 14:14

Today I pulled into the garage and sat for quite a while having quiet time, praying for a number of things that have been on my mind. Today is Charlie's 4th birthday and I was thinking about that a lot. But mainly I was focused on our court date and court dates for other friends at the end of their processes. It was super quiet sitting there in the car and I was enjoying it. A lot!

I was interrupted by the sound of the UPS truck. I got super excited because I thought that it was the shipment of Garrett's Popcorn (yes, Holt girls, I AM ADDICTED!!) that Wayne lovingly ordered for me :) Garrett's Popcorn is the best popcorn on earth! No lie. I hadn't tried it until last April in NYC and I was smitten. Now, we regularly have shipments of popcorn delivered here. So ridiculous, but so so worth it. :) Chicago Mix is my fave...you can check it out for yourself here. They also have a free shipping code right now: THANKS12F! If you haven't experienced Garrett's you should!!

I ran to the door and found this instead:

A few months ago I contacted Soles for Souls about a shoe donation for Wayne and I to take with us when we travel to Uganda. We were BLESSED when they said YES!!! So, today, so appropriately on our sweet little man's birthday we received 127 pairs of flip flops to bless other children in care centers in Uganda. If you haven't heard of this amazing organization then you need to!!! Man, I sound like a bossy boots telling you all what to do! But seriously, after you order yourself a tin of Garrett's go check out Soles for Souls and all of the amazing work that they're doing!! It really shows how one person's vision can turn into an opportunity for anyone & everyone to help out others by donating gently used shoes for others in need. From this venture other non-profits have been created like Clothes4Souls and Hope4Souls to provide clothing and other necessities as well.

Shoes were extra meaningful to us as a donation because the first picture we ever saw of our little guy showed these pink shoes:

I remember after we reviewed his file and inspected every inch of the photo above and the included progress reports that I spotted his shoes. And I began laughing through tears over this little man whose smile literally had me from the first moment I saw it. I knew instantly that this little boy with the ornery grin and the pink shoes would be in our lives forever. Now, I know that in the scope of things shoes aren't a big deal. It didn't matter what he was wearing but it expressed to me that there was a NEED. Things that we take for granted (how many pairs of shoes do you have right now in your closet?) are so special to others.

In addition to the flips that we have one of my adoption buddies shared our contact info with one of her adoption buddies (adoption really bonds people together & we are like a big family!) and she sent us 25 pairs of croc shoes to take with us as well!! Amazing!

So although today is a little rough and we aren't together for his 4th birthday I'm resting in the fact that God controls the timelines around here!! Please continue to pray for favor for our court date and if you would, lift up my other adoption friends as they prepare to end their journeys by traveling soon!!!

God says YES to His promises...

The lyrics to the song "Yes" by John Waller have been bouncing around in my head for quite sometime now. I would remind myself of the chorus to this song when I started stressing and questioning God's timing in our adoption.

Last month on December 9 I was subbing for my friend and I received a call from Wayne telling me that a report that we needed had been completed. This was we walked through a pretty rough season of learning to wait and trust in God and His plan for *all* of us. It didn't help that it felt like the LONGEST wait ever!!

Today we received an email telling us that the final piece of paperwork needed in order for us to be submitted for a court date was also completed. Wayne and I didn't waste any time getting our documents notarized and sent back to Uganda!!!

In the midst of running around, printing out multiple copies of our documents, calling our friends who have been walking through this adventure beside us and rejoicing in such sweet unexpected news it occurred to me that we will be traveling soon, the bedroom upstairs that has been ready and empty for months will belong to a little boy soon, and our family will finally be complete soon.

Thursday our sweet little guy will be turning four. I was dreading this week for quite some time. I thought that I would be busily planning his fourth birthday and never dreamed that we would have yet to meet him. Despite the ache in my heart over missing yet another milestone in his life I am encouraged that we will be united soon.

Cue The Golden Girls theme song...

"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends." ~Walt Whitman

Throughout my life I have been blessed with wonderful friends. A best friend that is always there for me. I can call or text in the middle of the night, emotionally exhausted from the stress of life (andthisadoption) and vent and cry and have the offer of a car ride or late night gabfest in order to calm me down...and laughs...lots of laughs. My beautiful and treasured friend that lives right down the street upon whom I can rely on for everything, anything and all in between. Friends that stepped in early on in Peyton's life and became our family when we really needed friends like them...and then having the complete honor of being like family to all of these wonderful friends. My corner club girls <3 you three! :) and friends that I have made during our adoption process that I adore. Wayne and I have found our best couple friends at church. Our entire church is like a big 'ol family who loves each other and lifts each other up consistently. So, you get the picture, we are blessed in the wonderful people that we surround ourselves with (and if you're reading this, that means YOU :) too!!) So, thank you for being in our lives and walking with us through every aspect of our journey.

Now, to the point of this entry:

Tonight at dinner we got onto the topic of braces which then led to talking about retainers, etc. A memory from way back in the day struck me and I had to share it with my family...and then I couldn't stop thinking about it and about how lucky I am to have the friends that I have. Again, YOU.

I had braces put on my teeth when I was in middle school. (As an aside I would like to mention that I didn't look cute like some kids do in braces I looked just as awkward as I felt at that time in my life. Boo for teenaged awkwardness.) As many of you know I'm totally forgetful at times which is funny afterward but in the moment leaves me a complete basketcase. So, I'm sitting in the cafeteria during sophomore year and I finally have my retainer. I had been lectured about keeping it safe, proper cleaning and care of my retainer, yada, yada, yada. I always wrapped it up at lunch because 1. it grossed me out to look at it 2. it grossed my friends out to see it laying there on the green and tan speckled lunch tray and 3. I was trying my darndest, no doubt, to be cool, act cool and look cool. And you can guess what happened next. I threw my neatly wrapped up retainer in the trash.

And the sad thing is I didn't realize it right away. I was in another class and it suddenly occurred to me that I didn't have it. And panic set in. Bigtime. So I did what every self-respecting trying to be cool sophomore would do. I cried. And somehow managed (through sobs, mind you) to explain to my teacher what happened. As I went to walk out the door to go back to the cafeteria my friend Andrea did, too. She was cool. And gorgeous. And one of the greatest friends I'd ever had in my life. I remember one day in school we were walking down the hall and one of the teachers started singing "she's got legs..." I'm pretty sure that's totally inappropriate but we just roared with laughter and Anz rolled her eyes. Sigh.

Sorry, back to the story. She just simply walked up to me and we went down together-like it was the most normal thing in the world except I was hysterical and Andrea was looking calm, cool & collected. When we get to the cafeteria we find out that the trash had already been taken out. Omg. Outside we went and saw in front of us the reeking, green monstrosity that absolutely and most definitely held my retainer. I should also mention that it was not a cool day outside. It was warm and sunny. It also happened to be fish sandwich and macaroni & cheese day. Please excuse me if I gag.

We did what any other take charge teenagers would do. We leaned in. Gag again. I was running on sheer fear of going home without said retainer. But Anzi had no motivation to lean in a disgusting dumpster to look for a retainer that didn't even belong to her. She did it because that was just her. I don't remember when we found it...but I know that we did. I also don't know how on earth two girls were allowed to just plod around in a dumpster without adult supervision.

I told my kids tonight that I hoped that they found friends that would climb into a dumpster with them. I did then and I have now. Thank you, friends, for that.

Andrea was my oldest friend. I have pictures somewhere of us as little tiny girls holding hands in Sunday School. We grew up together. We schemed together. We played sports together and became the Dynamic Duo during our softball years. When I found out I was pregnant with Peyton and walled myself off from all of my friends Andrea would pack "healthy picnics" (her words) and come pick me up at my Nanny's house and we'd go somewhere to just talk. She hung out a lot with me when Peyton was born and I needed that more than I ever realized in that moment. Even though she eventually moved away she remained a huge part of my life. We emailed and talked on the phone a lot. She sent me cards for every holiday, remembered every birthday and anniversary. Sadly, she passed away when we were just 25 years old from a brain aneurysm. Just days shy of Christmas. For those that knew Anzi it was one of the most profound losses we have ever experienced. But, today, I wasn't sad when I thought about her, mournful of all the things she didn't get to do. I was grateful to have that kind of friendship in my life.

Anz & Owen (the love of her life nephew) October 2005